The Road to Redemption
by wickedlfairy17
Summary: Amara wanted to give Dean the same thing she had gotten, peace, but that was not something Dean could have weighed down with regret and past mistakes. So she gave him a chance, gave them both a chance, for redemption, now Dean has a shot to do it all over to fix his mistakes and Save everyone. Redemption or Damnation? Only time would tell, a time travel fix it story
1. Chapter 1

**A.N.: Read a story on Archive of our Own called Saving People by Yalu, extremely great read and so awesome I would highly recommend. The premise being that Amara along with Chuck could give Dean a second chance to start over, Save Jessica, do everything differently and fix a lot of his big mistakes. I loved the idea and it got me going on what would be different…how I thought Dean would handle this but most importantly** _ **when**_ **I thought Dean would go. I mean it's a no brainer that everything sort of spiraled from Jess's death but would he really just decide to go back to only a few days before that shit went down? I always thought that Dean would be more inclined to think it started when Sam went to Stanford and that Dean would want that time to prepare. I mean imagine how much he could handle and get done in three years so that by the time Jess is even in danger; Dean had handled it so Sam could have the apple pie life. Which is what Dean wants for Sam. So here's my brain child. Inspired by Saving People by Yalu, the first chapter is very similar in origins but the rest will be completely different and my own brain child! Hope you enjoy!**

" **I guess darkness serves a purpose: to show us that there is redemption through chaos. I believe in that. I think that's the basis of Greek mythology." ~ Brendan Fraser** **  
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**Chapter 1: We Begin at the End**

" **Dean, you gave me what I needed most. I wanna do the same for you."** Amara said smiling. "What would make you happy? What would give you the peace you have given me?"

Dean stood staring at her for a moment, his first thought…his very first thought when he thought of peace was always his mother but it flittered away just as quickly. Even his mom couldn't bring him true peace, not after everything, not after Bobby, not after everyone he had failed one way or another. "Nah, we're good. The only way I could know peace would be to start everything…all of this over and that would only take your peace from you. I can't do that." Dean said with a sad little smile.

Then Amara got an odd look on her face and her eyes met with Chucks. "Not necessarily." She murmured.

Chuck looked a little reluctant but then he just shrugged at them knowing he would let Amara have her way.

"What do you mean the beginning? About starting over? If you could go back, what moment would you choose?" Amara asked stepping a little closer to him with every question.

Dean felt a little nervous and looked between the two gods before him. He thought for a moment…his first knee jerk reaction was to say when he went to get Sammy from Stanford but again after really considering it Dean realized it was another moment. The day after Sammy had left for Stanford, when their father had told him not to come back if he left and how he hadn't stood up to the old man. He had seriously considered leaving too because without Sam they weren't a family, just a soldier and his commander.

He had thought all that night about leaving while their dad went on a bender, and had tried to have the same courage Sam had when he had left. But in the end, Dean had stayed, because it was all he knew, all he could ever be, and he had always been so afraid of being alone. Everyone always knew that was where he was weakest…that he couldn't be alone. Now he wondered how everything would have turned out if he had left that next day, if had found that courage to tell his old man that no Sammy meant no him. What he could have learned about himself if he had taken that chance.

"The day after Sammy left for Stanford, I could have left too but I didn't. If I knew then, what I know now, I could have used that time…I could have saved so many more…I could have been so much more." Dean said staring with a small scowl at the ground.

Amara smiled, cupped his cheek and lifted his head up a little bit so he could meet her eyes. "You realize that if we send you back, it won't be like the other times? You'll wake up in your younger body, knowing everything you know now and you will be alone. Chuck and I, to do this will take a lot from us. I'll be back in the Mark, he will probably take a long nap and you will be alone. You won't be able to look to us for assistance, not for a few years at least."

Dean shifted and squared his jaw and nodded.

"You'll have to free me from the Mark again," Amara said mischievously.

Dean nodded seriously, "Of course."

Chuck groaned, "2001," he looked between the two of them, "really?"

Amara laughed, "Come now, it's the least we could do. The least you could do all things considered," Chuck shrugged and nodded.

Chuck grabbed Amara's hand and then she put her hand on Dean's head.

"When we turn back time, all of this will have never happened; you realize this means everyone you saved as well as everyone you lost will be back to where they started as well." Amara looked Dean in the eye seriously.

"If it means I get the chance to save Sammy from…to save everyone from…to save Cas…my family…all this heart break. I can do it," Dean of course didn't say that he saw this was a way to redeem himself from so many of his past mistakes. His mistakes with Sam, with Cas, with everything, it was his chance to do something in his life right for once. If that meant a whole lot of pain for him…well he certainly deserved that and more.

Chuck sighed, "Dean you are probably one of the most unpredictable beings I have ever created. You have a habit of ruining my most carefully laid plans and rising above every expectation I ever had for you. It's kind of annoying if I am honest but I want you to know I believe in you. If you say you want to go back, I am willing to swing that but I gotta say I'm surprised you haven't asked to bring Sam along for the ride yet."

Dean looked at the two of them hard, "If I am gonna be honest here, my first thought is to bring Sam and Cas back with me. But bringing them back won't fix what broke in them. I failed them so many times, failed to be there for them and they made so many of their own mistakes that will haunt them even if we fix it. I don't want that for them, I want to give Sammy a chance at having that apple pie life. If he came along for this ride he would never let himself get that. Cas…as much as I need Cas…I failed to be there for him every time he really needed me and he has been hurt in so many ways because of me. If he could forget this maybe he could find peace too, but not if he carries all this with him."

Chuck nodded, "Dean, you are always so quick to save your family, to bring them peace and happiness at the expense of your own."

"Their Happiness, their peace, that's mine. Seeing Sam grow old with a butt load of kids I can spoil and Cas all at peace for once…that's my bliss." Dean said in turn.

Amara smiled, "Like I said brother, you made something truly beautiful here. Now Dean, when you get back it'll be a little while before you adjust to your new younger body and well…being touched by us will certainly leave its mark on you. Try not to freak out."

"Mark? This isn't gonna be another Mark of Cain thing is it?" Dean asked nervously.

Chuck sighed, "No, but your soul has really been through the grinder Dean, Hell, Purgatory, Demon you, plus that soul bomb…well it's just not compatible with younger you. Your soul back then was whole and unscarred, weighed down with you insecurities and repressions sure. But it was clean and whole. Sending you back this way, to give you a real shot at changing everything you want to change…well we will need to adjust some things."

"Which means?" Dean said pulling out Sammy's Bitchface.

"For this to work I'm gonna have to make up the whole in your soul with grace." Chuck said.

"Wait, you wanna make me an angel? ME?" Dean said in disbelief.

"Kinda, not really but kinda. You wouldn't really be an angel because once you merge with your past self your soul will be healed. You'll have your own grace but you would also be human too…for the most part." Chuck mused and Amara grinned.

"So what you gonna give me a pair of wings or something?" Dean asked nervous as all hell.

"Nah that would kind of spoil that whole surprise element you are going for Dean. The only way this is gonna work is if the other players in the game don't realize you're playing too. As for your new grace…well I'm sure you'll figure out that on your own. I will say that I'll 'turn off' your soul so that no one will see how different you are going to be. It's gonna be on you what you change and the consequences of that. I have faith in you though Dean." Chuck said.

"Ready?" Amara asked.

"Oh and Dean don't forget you can pray. Pray to me, Pray to Amara, Pray to Castiel, just because you won't get a response doesn't mean we won't hear you. They'll be private as well, no one will be able to listen in on those I can do that much." Chuck said.

"Cas isn't going to know me though, wouldn't that put up all sorts of red flags?" Dean disagreed.

Chuck grinned, "Castiel has always been one of my more rebellious angels, he never really goes along with the plan and much like you he's intensely private. I doubt he would say anything, give it some thought and I'm sure you know not to say too much." He winked at Dean.

"Let's get this done," Amara said, "I'll be sleeping for a while but I never thought I'd voluntarily imprison myself for anyone ever again." She teased Dean and winked at him.

Dean felt guilty about it but he was too selfish to abandon this course now that he had been given this chance. He could do so much for everyone he loved; he could give Sam his shot with Jess, maybe even give Bobby a chance to be with Ellen again like in that messed up Titanic world. He could save them so much pain, his brother would never have to go to hell, Bobby could live a few more years and there were so many he would give a chance to…he had a shot at really doing something right for once in his life.

Chuck and Amara met his eyes as they placed their hands on his forehead. "This is gonna feel like you were run over by a truck while you were high on drugs Dean, try not to fall into denial over this because it would suck for this to be for nothing." Chuck said ominously before Dean felt it and everything went black.

 **~~~~~~~~2001~~~~~~~**

When Dean woke up he felt like he had crawled out of Hell again and this time they hadn't fixed anything beforehand. He felt wrong in all sorts of uncomfortable ways and his head was spinning with everything. He spent most of the morning blowing chunks in the Toilet and cursing Chuck six ways from Sunday. Then after he had done that and was washing his face in the sink of whatever Chuck forsaken motel he was in he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

The world tilted and Dean refused to admit he had been very close to full on chick flick fainting for about three minutes. As he looked at himself in the mirror Dean was in disbelief how _young_ he looked, he was a _freaking baby_. It hit him then that this was real and he sat heavily on the bed then. Everything that had happened, all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it was gone and it left him feeling like he lost so much while also giving him so much hope. It was a sickening mix of emotions; he had the chance to make things so much better or so much worse. It was all on him.

Dean stared at the vomit colored carpeting of his cheap motel room for a while and just mourned it all. He mourned for Cas, for Sam, for Kevin and for everyone he had ever failed. He would change things, he would save them but Dean was beginning to realize the hurt of losing them…that would never really go away. After an hour of not moving Dean realized he needed to get going, he had so much to do and for some reason a little over three years seemed like not enough time. First thing he did was track down his cell phone, a brick of a Nokia, and track down the date.

A quick reminder on how to work the ancient thing and then the date is staring at him from the ugly small screen. It was exactly the day after Sammy left, which meant their dad was going to be on a bender for another two before Dean would have to see him. It would give him time to take stock of what he had weapon wise, what his money situation was, and give him a chance to photocopy their father's hunter journal before the old man knew it was missing. Dean had long suspected that their father had modified his journal when he left it for them the first time and he wanted to get the unedited version now.

Which meant he would need to break into their dad's motel room and then after he got his copy Dean knew he would be hitting up a tattoo parlor. He already felt exposed and naked from his lack of tattooed protection which was something he wanted to fix asap. He had a mission; a goal that he needed to focus his energy on and that would have to be enough for the moment. Dean didn't have the luxury of having a break down and that meant he had to get up right now.

He got up and took stock of his room. First thing he did was go through his duffle bag, salt, salt and more salt. His gun and a sawed off shotgun, a couple sliver knives. Dean was no longer sure how he had managed to live as long as he had the first time because this was ridiculous. He found a notepad and a pen quickly; there he drew out the protection tattoos he was going to need. Dean had been tempted to write a list of things he needed to get done but that would be the height of stupidity if the wrong person got a hold of it. He wanted the Bunker back, it was safe, it was the closest he had gotten to a home in the longest time and it hurt to have it so far out of his reach.

Then again, maybe it wasn't, inspiration stuck him like a bolt from the sky. The key Henry had _couldn't_ have been the only one and he knew where to start looking for a spare…he would have to go visit the Wizard of OZ…well the good half of him anyway. However, he had things he needed to do first. He had to get his dad's journal, get his copy done, then return it and hit up a tattoo parlor. So that was exactly what Dean did after finding his wallet and the surprising flush of cash inside of it. Dean could vaguely recall that he had hustled some suckers at pool the night Sam left with the intention of giving it to him but things had spiraled and blown up before he could do it.

Breaking into their dad's room was unnerving, the man had been dead for almost a decade and Dean still wasn't used to the thought of having him hanging around. There had been a lot Dean had forgiven his father for over the years, just because it was useless to be angry at a dead man. Now, a lot of that anger was simmering in his gut like a lead weight and as happy as having his father be alive made him it also pissed him off. This was the man who hid so much from them, who had _told_ him to _**kill**_ Sammy if he couldn't save him…who had fucked up their childhoods so royally Dean had never had a healthy relationship with anyone his entire life.

A part of Dean still hated him.

Another part still loved him because he was his father.

Getting his copy of the journal and then putting his father's original back exactly as he found it was surprisingly easy. Then Dean stashed the copied pages with a mental note to get a binder for them and then he headed out to the tattoo parlor he had seen on his way back from the Kinko's. It was mid-morning and the place had barely opened when he got there which was lucky enough for him. He showed the heavily tattooed guy what he wanted and where then paid upfront for the work. The next five hours were spent under the needle with very little talking between them. The guy wasn't the talkative type and Dean was too distracted by his thoughts to put much effort into being his usual charming sarcastic self.

There was just so much he had to do and it would be so much easier if he could find another key to the bunker. Plus he was going to need money; it was 2001 so Dean tried to remember what he could of the next few years so he could so he could Biff the fuck out of it. Dean knew he was going to need some seed money because he definitely wanted to invest in the things he knew would get him a large return in the coming years. Plus he was going to have to do some international traveling, as sick as that made him feel ( _fuck flying_ ), because there were certain things he needed to collect before they ever became a problem.

Dean decided that he would hit up the local library after this so he could use their computers. Tech sucked in the early 2000s and as much as he gloried of his Nokia's life battery he hated the damn thing. It was old and slow and only had so many minutes. Plus texting wasn't even a thing yet and that sucked. Sammy had been the only one with a laptop and Dean remembered it being as clunky and slow as his Nokia. When Dean had the frankly horrifying thought of dial up internet he panicked…when the fuck had that evil shit finally been put behind them? Was he gonna have to deal with Dial up now? Shit. He couldn't remember but with a sinking feeling Dean was pretty sure that was the case.

Well, there was very little Dean could do about it now but he had a vague thought of Frankensteining a laptop into something better and maybe he could try to hijack some broadband from somewhere. Those ideas were nebulous at best though and put to the back of his mind for now. Once he was done getting his artwork on his skin and listened to the aftercare instructions Dean headed straight for the library. Driving baby almost made him forget that he was in the past but the tiny things that their father had in baby at the time that denoted her as _his_ made him slightly uncomfortable.

Baby wasn't _his_ yet and Dean knew that when he confronted John Winchester about striking out on his own so soon after Sam had left it might mean walking away from Baby. He doubted his father would give her to him again not with him leaving so soon after Sam. His grip on the steering wheel tightened and he felt real panic at the thought of leaving her to their father. Dean pushed this from his mind when he got to the library and headed straight for the computers in the back. It was as he had feared, dail-up, on the other hand though the hacking tricks Charlie had shown him made it incredibly easy to do some pretty neat shit.

Getting into the funding of a few superpacks was so easy Dean almost felt bad about stealing from them, almost, the rich douche bags. He skimmed a few grand from here, a few more from there, nothing that would be missed but enough that he got his seed money as well as some cushion for the next few months. Next he looked for computer depots in the area and other places where he could get the parts he needed for his Franken laptop. Then it was a quick scan of the next few states over looking for a case he could hit up on his way to Clive's. Then he just cruised the internet for a bit to remind himself what was going on in 2001 and then he bounced.

Dean hit up a store with a money order place to pick up his stolen cash and cashed a couple of the money orders he had sent himself so he had funds for tomorrow. Then he hit a drive thru and got a burger and some pie before heading back to his motel room. Tomorrow he was going to get some more weapons and some other supplies. Then he was going to prepare himself for facing down his father. This was the one thing he had never done, he had never broken rank while his father had been alive…never been more than the obedient soldier and it was going to be very jarring for the both of them. Dean was sure that he could use Sammy leaving and the way his father had handled it as a rationale behind this big change.

All Dean knew for sure was that he had too much to do to put up with playing soldier boy to his father's commander and frankly he rankled at the thought of taking orders from the man ever again. He had been on his own for too long to fall back into the role he had once had as John Winchester's whipping boy and frankly Dean thought it would do him a world of good to confront his father on a small fraction of his fuck ups. Because the way he had handled Sammy leaving to better himself had been a major fuck up and Dean wasn't going to let anyone try to keep Sammy away from him.

After eating and showering Dean decided that it was time to do something he had been dreading a little since he had been back. He took out his Nokia and called Sam. Like the last time he had done this years ago, Sam didn't answer but this time instead of hanging up Dean left him a message. "Sammy, I get why you didn't answer but I want you to know I am proud of you. I understand why you're leaving, I get it, I do but I want you to know you always have me Sammy. You're my brother and we will always be family. If you need me call." Then he hung up and stared at his Nokia.

Sammy had gotten his full scholarship but that didn't mean he was going to have an easy ride. If things went the same way as last time Sammy would call him in about a week. Then they would talk once a week for almost a year and then Sam would meet Jess. That's when he would tell Dean to back off, that he needed to leave that life and him behind if he wanted to have a shot at normal. It had hurt so much the last time, because he hadn't known about Jess. Dean hadn't really understood why his Sammy had abandoned him until after all that shit went down. Sammy had been afraid that having Dean in his life would put Jess in danger and so when they had gotten serious Sam Ghosted him.

It had been a rough time in his life and this time around Dean was really going to be alone for the first time ever. No father, no brother and the thought of facing that made him break out in a cold sweat like it always did. He wasn't good at being alone, but Dean knew that this time would be so important to him. It wasn't just about the future, it was more than that, it would be a few years before anything major went down so for the first time in a long time he could have a chance to just be himself. There were only ghosts and monsters to worry about now. Barely any demon activity and angels wouldn't but there feathery dicks in until after the apocalypse was rolling.

That meant Dean had a pretty good grasp on how to handle things, monster and ghost were so _easy_. This meant he could finally be free to be and do whatever he was inclined to for the next few years. In between cases maybe he could finally learn how to play the guitar or the piano; maybe he could do a few comic cons or concerts. Maybe he could grab a little of normal life for himself, as selfish as that thought was, because right now he had the _time_. Sure he was gonna be training himself like never before, his body was nowhere near a level he was accustomed to and he was going to go after monsters with a fury that would surprise them.

More than anything Dean wanted to be better this time around, not only a better hunter but also a better person and that meant that he needed to discover who he was under all this _shit_. Maybe it was the fact that for the first time in years his soul was whole, he had the memories of hell but not the very real blight upon his soul. If he wanted to be a better person he had to better himself, he had to be patient, he had to be more open minded and understanding. Dean had to be stronger so that Sammy could rely on him more, could trust him more, and so he wasn't going to make the same mistakes.

The next morning he got up and hit up a weapons shop the moment they were open. He loaded up on a little bit of everything and then drove around until he found a store with hunter symbols. It was odd thinking about how little he had known back then, their community wasn't as isolated as his father had led them to believe and it was surprisingly easy to load up on the basics. After that he hit up a thrift store for some new clothes and some new cassette tapes. Everything he owned in this time had been from his father and Dean wanted something for himself. He bought a leather bomber jacket, some new threads and a blank journal for a hunter's guide that was purely his. It was time he started his own and he got a leather binder for his copied pages from his father's journal.

Before Dean realized it the next day and the confrontation between him and his father loomed before him. At his feet he had two duffle bags packed, his old familiar one and a new one that was full with his new armory and supplies. He was dressed and sitting on his motel bed waiting. If Dean remembered it right his father would come bursting into his room soon to tell him he found a new case and to pack his shit. He wouldn't mention Sam and he would shut down every time Dean tried to bring it up. That was fine, when his father came he would tell him the truth, he had another case and he was striking out on his own. That as long as Sammy was out of John's life so was Dean.

He spent the hours waiting for John working himself up, forcing himself to think of everything about John Winchester that had ever pissed him off and held onto that anger like a safety blanket. It was the anger he needed when facing down his father, he needed to be angry so he didn't break down from seeing him alive and whole. His father who had spent 100 years in hell for him, and had been dead for so long. There was so much left unsaid between them, so much hurt, so much anger, so much guilt, and he knew if he let it…it would fucking overwhelm him. What he needed was a shot of whiskey but he didn't move to get one…because he needed to be stone cold sober for this to leave no room for doubt.

Dean looked at his Nokia, the date burned up at him…it was Thursday. Maybe it was because he was afraid of what was going to happen…maybe it was because it was a Thursday…maybe it was that he felt so alone in this moment. For whatever the reason Dean bowed his head, clasped his hands, and prayed. "Hey Castiel, got your ears on? I don't pray, that's more Sammy's thing but I think I can pray to you. I don't know if I am going to be strong enough for this buddy, but I hope I am. Can I count on you to watch over me?" He said and smiled ironically. Cas, his Cas, was always offering to watch over him while he slept.

When John Winchester breezed into Dean's room he looked at his son all packed and said, "Good you packed your shit, I got us a hunt, we'll leave in ten." He made to leave but Dean stopped him with one sentence, "I'm not going with you."

John turned around with a scowl, "What?"

Dean didn't even bring up the fact that John was blatantly trying to avoid talking about Sam and replied, "I have a hunt, two states over, I just waited for you to show before I took off."

"Oh well if that's it then, we'll meet up after," John said expression clearing.

"No, we won't," Dean said watching his father's face get stormy again, "I'm striking out on my own, I am going to be hunting on my own for now. I get why you think Sam leaving is a betrayal, I get it, but there is no family without Sam and you know it. I don't get why you said the stupid shit you did, and until you fix that I think its best we not be around each other. Because, you see, I get why Sam left. He wanted out, he wanted that apple pie life and I am happy for him. You should be happy for him. This life, our life, it ends bloody. Whether it's at the end of a blade or the barrel of a gun I know how my story is gonna end. I'm not made for normal, you made sure of that, but Sammy is taking his shot and I am standing by that."

Dean got up and swung his duffle bags over his shoulders. John stood in front of him, his expression unreadable and stony. Dean nodded once and moved to head out the door. As he walked by his father John's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. Their eyes connected and whatever John saw their in Dean's eyes made him back down. Instead of saying anything John simply pressed the keys to the Impala into Dean's hand and simply said, "Take care of her."

"I'll check in on you occasionally, make sure you're alive," was the last thing Dean said before he left his father there in that motel room.

Dean threw his bags into the trunk of his baby and got behind the wheel for the second first time as her new owner. He dug out a new tape he had picked up and threw it in the player as his baby roared to life under him. Back in Black began playing as he peeled off down the road; Dean nodded to the music as he gripped the steering wheel. This was just the first of the many changes Dean was going to do, the first, and for once it seemed like maybe he had a real shot at this.


	2. Chapter 2

" **The idea of redemption is always good news, even if it means sacrifice or some difficult times." ~Patti Smith**

 **Chapter 2: Bunkering Down**

 ****The journey to Clive's was smooth, the salt n' burn on the way had been pretty straight forward and gave him some more confidence in his younger less experienced body. He was still sure he needed to work on his stamina and reflexes to get back to where he had been but he was less discouraged by that now. It had been four days since he had left his father and five since he had called Sam. It hurt not being in contact with Sam but like last time Dean knew that he had to wait for Sam to reach out before he could pursue building their relationship. It was lonely as hell on the road though, with no one to talk to and no one who really understood him anymore.

He prayed to Castiel a lot, about stupid shit and when he just needed to talk to fill the silence of the Impala. He prayed and pretended Cas was in the passenger seat doing his quiet listening thing. He told him old stories about his first hunting trips, talked to him about his favorite classic movies and his secret top five that included Dirty Dancing and Grease. Dean knew that he would never hear the end of it if Sammy ever figured out he loved those chick flicks and musicals so much.

Sometimes he felt stupid like he was talking to an imaginary friend, but then he shook himself out of that train of thought. Cas was a lot of things but he was definitely a good listener…and he had always been willing to indulge him before. Dean knew this Cas was very different from the one he knew but at the core Dean hoped they were the same…caring too much…being. For a while Dean sat in his baby and stared at Clive's house.

It was the same as he remembered and it unsettled him. After all the last time he had been there he had been crazy with the Mark of Cain and beating on the Dark side of Charlie. God… _Charlie_. Dean shook himself and went to the door. Clive answered the door with a friendly smile on his face. "Clive Dylan?" there went that smile and Clive tried to shut the door denials on his lips. Dean put his foot forward and got into Clive's space, "Yeah cut the crap Clive. I'm Dean Winchester, Henry Winchester's grandkid. We both know as the good side of the Wizard of Oz you can't lie and I don't have time to dance around with your shit trying. You gonna invite me in so we can talk about the Men of Letters or what?" Dean said sternly as Clive shrunk in on himself.

"Well, you best come in then," Clive said as he back away from the door. He turned into the kitchen, "You want tea or maybe some coffee?"

Dean nodded, "Coffee would be nice."

Not too long after they were both settled in the living room with two steaming mugs in front of them and an awkward silence stretching between them. Finally Dean clapped his hands, resting his elbows on his knees and leaned forward to say, "Ok here's how it is, you're the good half of the Wizard of Oz and you were a Men of Letters. At the moment I don't give two shits about the Wizard thing, though you and me, we're gonna have to come to some resolution about that. Darkside you is really fucking up the Emerald City and you either need to figure out how we piece you together Humpty or I put a bullet in you."

Clive looked sad and resigned but said nothing just gestured with his hand for Dean to move on.

Dean nodded and continued, "What I'm here about is simple, I need the Bunker the Men of Letters abandoned in the fifties. I know Henry Winchester, my grandfather, is currently lost in time due to a spell with one key. I won't be able to get a hold of that one for over a decade, so I need to know, are there other keys and do you know where I can track one down? Also, I get that the heads of the order or whatever got ganked by Abbadon but why abandon the Bunker?" That had always bugged him. What the hell had happened that made them shut down everything.

Clive looked a little lost, "I'm not sure where to start, so I guess I'll start with the key thing and we'll work from there. There were three keys cast when the Bunker was made, two for the watchers assigned to that post and one for the Elders. When Abbadon killed the Elders we had no idea if she managed to get a hold of Henry and the Key, the one Elder that survived went into hiding. He didn't know if Henry managed to keep the key safe and if he didn't staying at the Bunker would have been suicide. So to protect it the watchers assigned at the time destroyed one of their keys and then entrusted the other to me to hide."

Clive held up his hand stalling Dean as he tried to ask a question. "Without the Elders the Men of Letters in America were leaderless, the ones that survived that night fractured and factions formed. Everyone wanted that Bunker, the demons under Abbadon were tracking us down, the remaining key was like a beacon of death for the watchers. They had no idea who to trust and what to do with it so they gave it to me. Since I had no bad in me, what with the whole Wizard of Oz thing, they trusted me to keep the remaining key safe. But I don't have it here, because I can't lie or anything I couldn't keep it around."

Dean nodded, "Yeah that was probably the best move you could have made all things considered."

Clive sighed, "I put it in a warded box and buried it on hallowed ground, and I'll give you the directions later. As for what happened to us, well we were getting picked off, and we had no sanctuary here anymore. Those that didn't go deep undercover left to join the sister Branch of the British Men of Letters."

"Wait, back up, The _British_ Men of Letters?" Dean asked incredulously.

"Yes, of course, they are the reason there has been virtually no monster activity in Britain since 1965. The monitor the borders of their territory and they know through a combination of spells and technology within 20 minutes of a monster entering their borders and that monster is usually killed by 40 minutes." Clive replied a little stunned Dean didn't know this already.

Dean's eyebrows went up and he tilted his head nodding. He didn't really agree with that, since it had been a long time since he had seen the world as so black and white. "I'm assuming that whole indiscriminate killing thing is why you stayed put?" Dean asked.

Clive looked at him horrified, "Of course, I only have the good and killing is bad."

"How do they deal with demons and possessions then?" Dean asked curious.

"The normal way but they also have this hyperbolic pulse generator that kicks the possessing force out quick as well in a pinch." Clive replied.

"Oh well…that's _neat_ I guess," Dean mused, "Sounds like they're a bunch of dicks though."

Clive laughed, "They are, they really are, they've been trying to get the key out of me for ages you know. Think that their entitled to the Bunker as the only surviving branch but I can't give it to them…they are not good people."

Dean looked bemused, "You seemed very up front about it with me though, and I wouldn't say I'm a good person if I'm gonna be honest with you."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that, but you are a legacy. Plus I'd rather give it to you and to them. I had a few contacts in the British Branch and I know you're not with them. You were genuinely surprised about them when I told you and you have been nothing but open with me. As they say one good turn deserves another…" Clive looked down at his hands, "besides…I knew one day I would have to face the consequences of the actions of my darker half…I'm honestly very relieved someone is finally doing something about him. I can't kill myself, that bad, I can't fight him, because that's bad and no one has ever offered to help me reclaim him before." Clive said with melancholy.

"Yeah that whole not doing anything bad thing must suck and be freaking boring," Dean agreed.

"You have no idea," Clive grinned at him and then the smile fell, "but if it's all the same to you I'd rather not get my darker side back. He has done so much bad, I know it, and I don't think I could live knowing all he's done. Plus I'm an old man now, I had my shot, I'd rather go knowing I'm taking that evil with me then risk you dying trying to put me back together. I'm sure that my Darker self has done all in his power to keep us forever apart and I'd rather not try if it's all the same to you."

Dean nodded, "Okay…but before we get down to the nitty gritty is there anything else you can tell me that I should know. Anything?"

Clive nodded, "Well, I'll write down the location of the key and tell you how to get in the box guarding it. Also I'll need at least a week to get my affairs in order, I'll need some help donating my things and I'll will you my house."

"What?" Dean said incredulously.

"Well, I don't have kids, and this house is warded. You can use it as a safe house or what have you. It would be a waste to sell it or let it go to the state and I'd rather die knowing it's in good hands." Clive replied seriously.

"Well, thanks I guess," Dean said stunned.

"You'll be helping me sort through my things in return of course," Clive said seriously and Dean nodded bemused, "I got a small collection of lore for you as well and some contacts I can put you in touch with so you can keep an eye on the British branch. I can tell you that I'm sure they have the Bunker monitored and they'll keep an eye on you once you get it. Best not to leave a wolf at your back."

Dean groaned, "Well that's freaking fantastic."

Clive hummed in agreement, "Let me get the instructions to the key written down and then we'll start in on this place. You'll have to pick up a U haul tomorrow and boxes. Any preferences on dinner?"

"You have any pie?" Dean asked curious.

Clive smiled at him sweetly, "No but I have apples and a great recipe. How about we make one together in a bit? I have had a lot of time on my hands and since I can only be good I've spent a long time cooking and baking. I'll be sure to give my cook books to you, something tells me you aren't used to having a kitchen and probably are a little limited in your knowledge. It'll be nice passing some of what I know down if that's okay with you."

"Lay it on me Gramps, I love to eat and homemade stuff is the best," Dean agreed.

"Ahh, this will probably be the most bittersweet week of my life," Clive mused, "also the last one and I think Dean that I'm really going to enjoy this time together. Thank you, for being willing to do the hard thing."

Dean smiled sadly at him and nodded.

Later that night as Dean was helping Clive make dinner he decided he should probably utilize this time with Clive as much as possible, "So tell me more about this British cousin of the Men of Letters."

"Ok, but it's not much. Some speculation, a little from the descendant of one of the American member that made it into it and a whole lot of guess work. Do you know about Cuthbert Sinclair?" Clive asked curiously.

"Yeah, he's a real piece of work and on my list of people to take care of like you," Dean said honestly.

"Good," Clive said as he passed Dean a knife, "well near as I can tell the British branch has decided to model their behavior off of Cuthbert, the operate a lot like him except their more militarized and less about collecting more about consolidating their power. They even have a contract with hell that demons can't operate in Britain outside of the poor souls stupid enough to sell their souls. They did learn from the disaster with Abbadon though, the elders of that branch are well hidden and never all in one place. Couldn't even tell you who they are if I wanted to they keep themselves out of everyone's sight."

"Awesome, so a shadowy sect of amoral douches with a hard on for power and we have no way of knowing who their leaders are…fantastic. Well, anymore good news Gramps…lay it on me." Dean said sarcastically.

"Well, the only good news I can give you is they tend to stay away from the United States…what with all the gates to hell here. I have files on some suspected members that should get you started and a few folders on what I know of the organization…and while it's not much it's a start. Once you get into that Bunker you should be able to find more, at least files on a few of some of the older members and since we stay with bloodlines you'll be able to track more from that." Clive said companionably as he brought their plates to the table.

"That's something I guess, any other secret societies you know about that you can give me a heads up on." Dean said teasingly as he started to chow down on his stake.

"Well, no, I mean I have a little on the Stynes but I don't know how accurate it is…with me knowing where the key is to one of the greatest cache's of knowledge and magic I had to keep a weather eye on anyone who might come after me for it." Clive sighed as he ate.

"Don't worry, they are on my list." Dean said softly gripping his steak knife. He would enjoy killing every one of them twice.

"There seems to be a lot of people on that list of yours Dean." Clive muttered sadly.

"Well, there are a lot of monsters in this world Clive, and someone has to put an end to them. Might as well be me," Dean said with finality.

"I suppose that's true, I don't have much on the Stynes, I couldn't get too close without them asking questions. They are dangerous but I won't try to dissuade you from pursuing what you think needs to be done. I can't say I have much room to talk, what with leaving my dark counterpart free to do what he has done." Clive murmured.

"Enough of the heavy talk, tell me what the plans are for this week, what and where you're donating your stuff. Things like that." Dean said to distract the man from his dark thoughts. Clive simply smiled and nodded.

For the next few days Clive filled him in on a lot of what the Men of Letters once were and a lot he never thought of asking. Clive was an easy man to like, and as the Days past Dean knew that doing what he had to was going to be one of those hard things that weighed on him. Especially since the old man made it clear that he forgave him for it already and that he was certain it had to be done.

Then Dean got the phone call he had been both dreading and looking forward to most, "Hiya there Sammy, how you doing?" Dean asked as he answered the phone.

"Hey, Dean, I'm…I'm good. I made it to Stanford; the semester begins in a couple days." Sam said hesitatingly.

Dean looked at the date on the phone and saw it was September 22 already. Time sure flew; he had gotten back to the past after 9/11 and had not forgotten that he owed the Stynes a visit for that mess alone. "You doing ok Sammy? You need anything; I have some money I can send you for books and shit." Dean offered awkwardly. This wasn't his Sammy, and it was his Sammy. This was the Sam who still had hope for normal, which had never been to hell and wanted away from everything from his past.

"No, Dean, you don't have to do that. I know you don't approve but I have to do this…I hope you know that. I gotta ask Dean, when I left you were so pissed and you made it clear you didn't think I was doing the right thing. What changed? Why did you leave me that message…why are you saying this now?" Sammy muttered.

"Sammy, I know you left on shaky ground but I want you to know I do approve. I do. I want you to have this Sammy…you deserve to get a shot at the apple pie life. Yes, when you told me you were leaving I was pissed, but not because you wanted out. I was angry because you were leaving me and I don't know how to be alone…to do what we do by myself. I was so scared that you were leaving and I wouldn't be able to watch your back. Mostly it was because I don't know what I am without you, without you to protect and that wasn't on you. It was on me. I just want you to know I support you, whatever you need, don't be shy Sammy. I got your back, always, you're my little brother and nothing you do is ever gonna change that. You're my family Sammy." Dean said uncomfortably.

Sam made a nose that seemed dangerously close to tears, "Thanks Dean…that…that means a lot."

"Alright, enough of this chick flick moment. Just give me a call once and a while kid." Dean said gruffly.

"Jerk." Sam muttered.

"Bitch," Dean replied, "I'll catch you later kid."

"Yeah…see ya Dean…hey Dean…I know it's probably shitty of me but I…I want to talk to you and everything. It's just that it's gonna be hard enough doing this while worrying about what you're doing and hunting. When we talk, I don't want to know ok? I don't want to know what you're hunting or what job you're working. I just can't." Sam said slowly.

Dean grinned and nodded, "Sure thing Sammy, I'll let you know where I am but I'll keep the freaky stuff to myself for now. You ever change your mind all you gotta do is ask but for now I won't tell you. We'll stick to the normal stuff, what chicks you're banging, how school is going and shit like that. Like I said Sammy, I got your back, whatever you need," Dean said sincerely. Truthfully that was a relief and Dean felt a little weight lift off his shoulders. It was always hard keeping secrets from Sam and lying to him. He wasn't sure how he would have held up if Sam had asked him what he was doing and working on. This way they both agreed to not talk about the nightmare stuff so Dean would be able to avoid telling him what is really going on with their family and what he was trying to save Sam from.

"Thanks Dean, well call me when you catch a moment," Sam said hesitantly.

"Yeah, I will, bye Sammy," Dean said and hung up.

Later that night Dean sat sitting on the porch drinking a beer with Clive, well he was drinking beer Clive just had a sweet tea, and they watched the sun go down together. They were ahead of schedule, everything Clive wanted packed up and donated would be done tomorrow. They were going to a legal firm Clive used on occasion tomorrow to get the house transferred into Dean's name and then they just had a couple more loose ends to tidy up.

"It's amazing how quickly you can pack up a person's whole life isn't it?" Clive said as he sipped some tea and watched the colors change across the sky.

"Yeah, I always thought so," Dean said thinking about the first time his dad had died and sighed. This was going to be hard, harder than he had expected, Clive was a good man. The fact that Dean liked the guy was going to make it hard for him to kill the man, especially since Clive seemed to be so kind to him about it. Clive made sure Dean knew that he forgave him, and that Dean knew that this was the only way Clive wanted his story to end.

"You really ready to throw in the towel old man? We can still try to put you back together and fix this without killing you." Dean said deciding to ask one last time.

"Dean," Clive began gently, "I've lived a long life, and I've been this way for longer than I've been whole. Frankly, the thought of dying without having to really know how much bad my other half has done to that world…well…that's more than I thought I'd ever get. I'm ok with this, really, I am and I take comfort in the fact that in some small way I'll be leaving having helped you in some small way. I've made my peace with this years ago when I realized I couldn't fix this without doing bad…which I _can't_ do being the good half."

Dean took in the last swallow of his beer and then nodded. "Alright gramps, alright."

Those last few days flew by in a blur of activity, packing, planning, late night conversations and home cooked meals. During that time Dean didn't have a chance to be lonely; Clive was always there with a funny story or a cooking lesson. Sometimes, while they were packing up his lore books/journals Clive would tell him about his time with the Men of Letters. How it used to be and how they used to run. He also filled him in on a few things about the British Branch that he had learned that had disturbed him greatly, the school they ran called Kendricks and how the last test they ran involved killing your friends.

That was the nail in the coffin for Dean, these British dickheads had spiraled way out of control and he knew that one day he was gonna have to deal with them. Right now though he had too much on his plate to deal with tackling a deep entrenched secret supernatural society and he wanted to get rid of the Stynes first. The Stynes were more dangerous to him and the future so they had to go before he could look into that mess.

Plus, there was an apocalypse to divert, demons to kill, people to save and he had too much shit to handle first. He would put them on the backburner and keep his ear to the ground in the future. When the last day came and the last loose end was tied Clive made his last meal. He baked a pie for Dean and winked telling him to each it later. Then together they closed down the house, loaded the last things into the back of the Impala and drove off to the Hallowed ground Clive said the key was buried in.

It was in a church cemetery the next state over and Clive was nice enough to help dig it up. The warded box was impressive, iron and inscribed with more wards than Dean had seen in a while. "You really went the whole nine yards with this box didn't you?" Dean said as he climbed up out of the hole. Clive just nodded and showed him the trick to getting it open, blood freely given and a long ass incantation. Luckily Clive had written that part down and Dean wouldn't have to try remembering it off hand if he ever used the box again.

When he had the key in his hand Dean smiled but felt a little sad. "So, how do you wanna do this gramps?" Dean asked dreading it a little.

Clive smiled and got into the hole they had just dug. "Well, I want it quick so if you could put a bullet between my eyes and then salt and burn me. Well, I'd appreciate it." Clive said matter of factly.

Dean grimaced and nodded at him solemnly. He took his gun out and raised it so he was on target. "I'm gonna miss you Gramps," Dean said with a shaky voice and tears in his eyes. "It's been an honor." Clive nodded and smiled.

"You take care of yourself Dean," Clive said, "Hey would you do something for me Dean?"

"Anything Gramps." Dean replied.

"I know you're gonna feel bad about this, no matter what I've told you so I decided I'd ask you to give something up for me? Think of it as a form of Penance, and when you're done, I want you to let your guilt over this be done as well." Clive said seriously.

Dean nodded, "Olay, shoot, tell me what I'm giving up and I'll do it."

"Don't drink for a year Dean, and when the anniversary for this comes around I think you should get blitzed and let me go. Okay?" Clive asked a small barely there smirk on the corner of his lips.

The laugh burst from him involuntarily, "Well, this is gonna suck Gramps but yeah I can do that for you. Its gonna be a long year though."

"If you enjoyed it well that wouldn't be penance would it?" Clive said smiling.

"Yeah, suppose that's true. Goodbye, old man," Dean said softly.

"Goodbye Dean," Clive said and then there was a BANG…it was all over. Dean decided that since no one was around to see it…well it didn't much matter if he was balling his eyes out. He would not break his promise though, no matter how sweet the thought of drinking till he passed out might be…because he had promised. Dean always did his best to keep his promises and this was the least he could do for the old man that had wormed his way into his heart in the week he had known him. This would haunt him but what was one more nightmare…and more blood on his already stained hands.

x

Opening up the bunker again was like coming home but Dean had forgotten how dirty it had been. It was just like the first time he had come here, everything was just as the last occupants had left it…moldy food and all. He parked baby in the garage and then rolled up his sleeves to get to work. First he unpacked the boxes from Clive and then he scouted out the rooms again. Part of him wanted to pick the same room as last time but something about that left him unsettled.

There wasn't much in the way of cleaning supplies in the bunker so Dean decided after he unloaded everything to run into town and pick up the essentials along with his dinner. On the way in he called his dad, but the old man didn't answer…no surprise there. Sam probably wouldn't call for a few more days and Dean wasn't ready to call Bobby yet. The fact that Bobby was alive comforted him, but at the same time Dean knew he had to be ready to face the man again without a break down before he called him. Bobby wasn't John Winchester, he wasn't shy about calling him out on the emotional bullshit and he read him easier than his father could.

Dean realized he was on his own again and it sucked. He really hated not having anyone to talk to and while his time with Clive had been a relief it was a Band-Aid that had been ripped off before the wound could heal. So, he did what he had done before Clive and prayed to Cas. It was easier praying to Cas than it was to try and pray to either Chuck or Amara. The thought of praying to Chuck was just uncomfortable and well…with Amara it had always felt awkward.

Yeah they had the freaky Mark of Cain bond thing…but Dean had never had gotten the chance to really get to know her. Whatever was between the two of them was more something like two broken lonely people reaching out for each other. Dean knew Cas, knew his heart and was very comfortable with the thought of praying to him. After all, Cas had always been the only one he had ever prayed to and it was a comforting thing to do so again.

Maybe he'd break Cas out of that Angel Dick Mode before he met him again and wouldn't that be something. When he got back to the bunker he got right into cleaning, it was easier keeping busy than staying still for even a moment and leaving himself to his thoughts. Without Alcohol to sooth him it was a lot harder dealing with everything he had done and was going to do. Plus ever since he had gotten back he had hardly slept more than a handful of hours every night and while that was nothing new it was different somehow. Now he felt _rested_ after only four hours of sleep, like he had gotten a full nights rest and maybe even slept in some.

It was as disturbing as it was convenient and Dean chalked it up to being a side effect of that bit of Grace Chuck said he was gonna give him. It had been more of a benefit than a con in his mind until the whole not drinking thing, now there was too many hours in the day that _had_ to be occupied by something. It only took him a few days to clan the main parts of the Bunker and the main areas that would be most in use. That had taken weeks last time.

In between doing that Dean was training his body to up his reflexes and reaction times. He was constantly doing something, and he even got around to working on his own franken Laptop. Dean knew he would have to wait another year before Broadband started rolling out but he managed to jerry rig a dial up connection to the internet. He knew he would need to hunt seriously and get back into his bad ass self as fast as possible. He wasn't going to take on the Grigori in Tulsa until he was confident he was going to be the winner in that fight. Dean also knew he would need to plan his assault on the Styne Manor carefully this time since he didn't exactly have the power up the Mark of Cain had given him last time.

Dean tried to keep himself busy but there was always moment where he had to slow down. Cooking or taking a Shower or when he was laying down to go to sleep. Without Alcohol to smooth the way he was left thinking about everything, everything he regretted and wanted to change. Every person he had failed, every friend he couldn't save and all his numerous mistakes. Now that he had the relative safety of the Bunker he tried to write down everything of the future he had left behind, the cases, the mistakes, and what he thought he could do to change it.

That helped but being somber was more difficult than he had thought it would be…maybe that was the point. There was one person though that Dean caught himself thinking of more often than the others, because he was the one he had failed to save entirely…his little half brother Adam. Thinking about Adam, pissed him off, not only because his father had kept Adam from them…but also because they had utterly failed in their duty to him.

He sat brooding on it for a week before he finally couldn't take it anymore and decided that he had to do something about Adam before he went insane. Dean had a lot to make up for to the kid and to the kid's mother. On the drive out to the Milligans Dean had some time to think of what he was going to say and what he was going to do. It was going to be a hard conversation because Dean was pretty sure his dad hasn't gotten in contact with Adam yet.

When he got into town it was the late afternoon so Dean checked into a motel then hit up the local Library to get access to the internet. Dean got into the County records pretty easily and got Adam's birth certificate. It was as he had been hoping, John Winchester was named as the father and while that was convenient it also made Adam a huge target. Dean picked up some food and then headed back to the motel for the night.

The next day Dean waited until Adam had gone to school and then approached the house to talk to his mother Kate. Dean had just raised his hand to knock when the door opened and Kate was there looking a little startled to see him standing there her arms full on her way out the door. "Hello, can I help you? I was just on my way to work," Kate said hesitantly.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, "Ah, well, I guess, you see I came to talk to you about John Winchester. See I'm Dean Winchester his oldest son," he watched her get as pale as a sheet as she stepped back and moved to reassure her.

"Oh…well…" Kate said floundering.

"Can I come in and talk to you for a bit? I won't be long and after we talk you can kick me out if you want." Dean said.

Kate looked a little flustered, "Okay, yeah sure, let me just call my work," she said as she gestured him inside. She put her purse and coat down then picked up the phone. She called in to say that she was gonna be a few hours late, family emergency and Dean stood in the hallway shifting awkwardly. "Why don't you take a seat in the living room? Do you want a drink or anything?" Kate asked while leading Dean down the hall.

"No I'm good," he sat down on the couch gingerly, "I'm not entirely sure how to begin this conversation…how much do you know about my dad's line of work?"

"Enough," Kate said pale.

Dean nodded, "Well, if you know about that it certainly cuts down on the explanations. First, let me say that if I thought there was a way I could avoid involving you in all of this I would have taken it but things being what they are…well. Anyway I'm here because you listed John Winchester on Adam's birth certificate and as nice a gesture as that was it's going to bring you a whole lot of trouble. See, what my dad does, what our family does, means we have a whole lot of enemies…monsters that normal people don't even know exist. Our Dad raised my little brother Sam and I to be hunters, that gives us a certain skill set that normal people don't have, but also makes us less of a target."

"See, most Monsters we hunt, they don't just pop out of nowhere. They had connections, to other monsters, that means when they come after the hunter that killed their friend or family member well they usually look for leverage or a way to hurt them. John's been a hunter for a long time he's not an easy target, Sam and I grew up in this life and we're not easy to take down either. But Adam…" Dean trailed off as Kate began shaking knowing he didn't even have to finish that sentence.

"Oh god," Kate covered her mouth, "Oh god what am I going to do?"

"Anyone looking to hurt John Winchester that has half a brain and looks into him will find Adam eventually. This means you only have a few options, option one you can take Adam and run, change your names, and you would need not to stay anywhere for too long. Option two, you can move to a safe house I have that pretty well protected and let me watch your backs. Option three, you ignore all this and pretend I never found you and wait for some monster or Demon to find you two." Dean said holding nothing back.

Kate looked frankly terrified, "Fuck," she said letting her head fall into her hands. "What would option two involve?"

"Ok well, that's a good option. At the moment no one know about you as far as I can tell, which means we have some time to get your affairs settled here before you both have to move. I can give you some things to protect you and Adam in the meantime." Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out two anti-possession amulets giving them to Kate. "When you move we'll need to muddy the trail so you can't be tracked down easily and I'll get you both new identities. New last names at least."

"Okay, right this could work," Kate said nodding looking determined.

"If you're going to do this, it means you can't be in contact with anyone who knows you guys, no friends and no family, can you do that?" Dean asked seriously.

Kate nodded, "Well, I don't have much family or many friends. It's going to be hard on Adam but he's strong. I just don't know what I can say to him that he'll understand."

"Well, I can help with that if you'll let me? I know that after everything I laid on you just now the last thing you probably want is to spend more time around a Winchester but I grew up looking after my little brother. He's off to Stanford now, and I don't really know what to do with myself anymore. I would like a chance to get to know Adam, and let him know me. I can even show him some things he can do to defend himself better, like I showed Sammy and take him with me on an easy hunt. Ghosts are a bitch but they are relatively harmless if he stays behind a salt line. It's a lot easier to understand why he has to do what we're gonna ask him to if he knows there is real danger out there."

"Okay, but on one condition…anything you teach him you teach me." Kate said with a hard look in her eye.

"That's fine, it'll be a good idea for you to know how to defend yourself as well," Dean said, "I am curious as well…does my father know about Adam?"

Kate shifted a bit uncomfortably, "Yeah, he knows I called him when I found out I was pregnant. He sends me money from time to time but he said it was better for him to stay out of Adam's life. I think he thinks the same way you do about it."

Dean looked conflicted, "He probably doesn't want to see how dangerous a situation he has put you both in and thinks that if he stays away that his enemies won't find you. But its short sighted, if I could find you so can others. He never told me about Adam, I found him when I was looking into my family for another reason. If it's all the same to you I would rather he not know about me knowing about you two."

"What? Why?" Kate said genuinely confused.

"If my father hasn't told me yet he probably has his reasons, but I have my own for approaching you. Until dad tells me himself I'd rather not have him knowing I'm involved. I think he will think I am bringing you into a dangerous world by associating with you and he'll refuse to admit that just by being his son Adam will be in danger. My father is a good man Kate but he is a terribly stubborn one. Once he believes something, or decides something, it takes something monumental to change his mind. I'm afraid that means either you or Adam would get hurt before he admits the truth…that you both have huge targets on your back. I'd rather not have to fight my dad to see Adam, and teach him what you both must know." Dean replied reluctantly.

Kate sat staring at him for a moment, "You're right, I might not have gotten to spend a long time with your father but when I finally got a hold of him after Adam was born he refused to listen to me. He refused to have anything to do with his son, I tried everything but it was like talking to a wall. If you think John will try to keep you from us, and stop you from doing what you think will keep us safe then I'll not breathe a word about you to him. Not that it matters John has never laid eyes on Adam and I doubt that will change anytime soon."

"I have to ask…why are you taking my side on this? Not that I don't want you to trust me or take my advice…but you only just met me." Dean asked curious.

"John showed me a picture of you when you were younger; he had nothing but good things to say about you. Your face may have changed but your eyes are the same. That color green is hard to forget," Kate winked at him, "Besides there is a thousand ways you could have reacted to finding out you had another brother your dad never told you about, anger, resentment, you could have left us here to be attacked when you saw the danger. You could have left us ignorant and followed what your dad wanted…but you chose to come here and be straight with me. Yeah it is an ugly truth but I'd rather know that there is a pressing danger to staying as we are than die from hiding my head in the sand."

"Gotta say, you are nothing like I expected," Dean teased and grinned.

"Oh what did you expect?" Kate teased back.

"I don't know, but you sure as hell ain't it. I thought I'd have to come around a lot more and have to slowly convince you to leave. Most people choose option three when they are confronted with situations like this and it makes my job so much harder." Dean said casually.

"Well, most people didn't see the thing that ate corpses your Dad hunted here…or half the shit that comes through the E.R." Kate replied, "I like to think I'm a realist and I love my son too much to live in denial about anything that could come looking for him."

"Fair enough, now how about I get to putting up some basic protections around your house and get you some weapons from my trunk. Then I think we should talk about what we're gonna tell Adam and what timeline you were thinking of to get you guys out of this one horse town," Dean said winking as he got up.

"About that, the school year just started do you think we'd be able to stick around until it's done or should we be getting gone here sooner?" Kate said following him out the door.

"Well, like I said it wasn't any particular enemy that brought me here, only that I found out I had another brother my dad left out in the open for anyone to find. I just wanted to see if I could hide you better and leave you less open to an attack. So I think we'll be ok if you move after the school year ends…it'll be less suspicious then and you'll have time to lay some groundwork for your move. Tell people you were offered a job in California or New York…somewhere far that has a dense population of people to make finding you harder. You won't be anywhere near there but it'll take longer for them to search it and find that out." Dean said as he got salt, a few knives, a small handgun, and some paint out of his Baby's trunk.

"That's probably a good idea," Kate agreed as she took the paint from him to help.

"Also it'll give me some time to establish you both two airtight new identities with the whole shebang. You'll need social security numbers, passports, Driver's license; I'll have to get you a new nursing accreditation and an updated social security account. That'll take me at least a month to hack into everything…I can't do it all at once it would take too long and I don't want anyone to notice anything." Dean mused; it was so much easier with faster internet but with dial up it would take a while to get into everything. Chuck…man he wished that wifi would just be invented already this dial up shit had to go.

 **A.N. This chapter ran a bit long lol. Next up Tiny Adam! So I thought I'd take the time to address something. In canon there is a discrepancy on just how long Sam was in College for and when he left. There is canon that said he was there for two years, canon that said he was there for four and in general the timeline was all messed up. If you don't believe me google it lol. Now I am of the thought that its more in the middle, my head canon is this, Sam left just before the school year started and while he had been talking about going he hadn't taken that step yet. John and Dean fought with him about it, not very effectively and John made it clear if Sam left he shouldn't try to come back. I think this would have made Sam hesitate, because he does love his family. Then I think that something like 9/11 would have impacted Sam hugely, he's sensitive, and that it could have been what pushed him to finally leave.**

 **This means he left 9/2001, three school years happened and Dean met up with him again 11/2005. Jess died on the anniversary of their mom's death, meaning if Sam left in 9/2001 he was only at school three years and some change. Which gives Sam enough time to study his ass off and be closer to that Bachelor's degree he would need to even get an interview for law school.** **www** **. supernaturalwiki index. php?title= Canon_ Discrepancies Here is a link just take out the spaces lol.**

 **I am doing my best to kind of close the holes I saw in these Canon discrepancies listed in the link above. So in Canon Dean hadn't talked to Sam for two years…which is where most people get the Sam was in college for two years thing. I don't think that's what it was, I think Sam still talked to Dean but it was a strained relationship. I think when Sam met Jess his priorities went to keeping hunting as far away from her as possible, especially after they got serious, and I think that was when Sam stopped talking to Dean. I think that's why Dean was a bit of an ass when he met her because Dean knew Sam had stopped talking because he was in love with this girl. He understood I think but he was also hurt by this.**

 **Anyways I could go on but this note is hella long. Now if you notice my timing is off on anything else, please remember I wrote it that way for a reason and this fic is going to be an AU no matter how many canon elements you might see popping up from time to time. Love ya guys! Please review and share your thoughts with me! I'd love to hear them.**


	3. Chapter 3

" **Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart." ~Mahatma Gandhi**

 **Chapter 3: Longing**

Castiel felt it again, the longing in the mortal Dean Winchester and though it wasn't a formal prayer Castiel listened in all the same. When he had gotten the first prayer from this surprising mortal it had been startling…especially since this particular Winchester was not known for praying. None of his brothers and sisters had ever even hinted that they ever heard him anyway. Though Castiel supposed that could be because Dean's prayers were always directed at him and not God.

Angels heard prayers all the time, for various things and for various reasons. The most common was asking for guidance or a sign that they were on the right path. No angel had actually answered a prayer in centuries though and orders from up high were always that it was not their time to be on earth. Castiel could not honestly say that he was as indifferent about their neglect of their duties as most of his siblings…it hurt not responding. It hurt to ignore the ones that truly needed some help, it hurt to hear them and not _do_ anything. He was a warrior of god, and he felt useless restricted to being only a watcher.

When Dean had first started praying to him it had been a startling experience…not because he had never had focused prayers before…he had owning to his mild renown as the Angel of Thursday. What was odd or unique about these prayers was always the _way_ Dean prayed. When Dean prayed to him it often wasn't for anything in particular, sure sometimes he asked for the angels guidance but it was mostly just to _talk_ to him. It was extremely…unsettling…in an oddly good way to be prayed to like this, like he was there and they were having a conversation. Dean talked to him about the oddest thing; it had been so long since he had been on earth some of what Dean talked about baffled him.

Then sometimes it was like this, a longing, a wordless prayer for his presence as a companion. It was as if Dean wanted him to be on earth with him and Castiel would be lying if he said he didn't feel some of that longing in return. Dean soul was beautiful, feeling it through prayer made him want desperately to _see_ it and take in his glory. He wanted to know this man, wanted to be the friend this man so desperately needed that he prayed to an angel he could not know was listening. Castiel knew he was treading dangerous ground in the way his thoughts were heading and he was always careful when he was around his siblings to keep this part of himself buried where their eyes could not see.

Anael had fallen not too long ago, a mere blink of an eye for being such as them and everyone looked at everyone else shiftily. If one of their commanders could do that to themselves, well, there wasn't much trust anymore in regards to angels who had human sympathies. So Castiel had always been careful to be the good soldier and he had carefully kept his thoughts to himself. For a few years now he had been able to ignore them entirely and then Dean Winchester had started to pray.

There was no rhyme or reason to his prayers…nothing Castiel could pin down at least but that longing was always there. That longing Dean had to not be alone, to have someone who would be there for him and never leave. It was like a pit inside of him that ate at this man and Dean did his best to ignore it. He did not seek out a true companion, staying instead as a guardian removed from it all and isolated himself quite effectively. That was frustrating for Castiel because there was nothing he could do to help him as of right now.

Castiel did what he could though, positioning himself in the squad that would be tasked with liberating the righteous man from hell when the time came. The fated showdown was not set to take place for a few years yet but Castiel knew it would be soon. He wanted to be on the frontlines when that happened and not for the reasons he had previously held. Before, it was because he was frustrated by the inactivity and wanted to _fight_ with purpose once more. Now…now his reasons were not so noble because now all he could think about was doing his duty then finding Dean once he was free to roam.

His intended vessel Jimmy Novak was very close in age with Dean Winchester and he was excited about the prospect of seeing Dean in person. He wanted to be on earth, in a vessel, so that he could _touch_ Dean and know he was actually there. He wanted to listen to Dean speak and be to respond in a way he could hear. He wanted to know this man and most importantly Castiel wanted this man to know him in return. Castiel felt guilty about not particularly caring about the righteous man, even though he should, but all he truly wanted was to meet Dean. Whoever the righteous man was, there were some whispers among the ranks that it might even be John Winchester Dean's father; Castiel didn't on the whole have much investment on saving him only in getting it done was quickly as he could so that he could do as he wanted.

It made him feel like the low, thinking that, because he knew he _should_ care. The mission was all Angels had, they were burdened with glorious purpose and in comparison one man should not matter. But somehow, for Castiel, Dean _mattered_. So Castiel listened to Dean's longing, his prayers, and slowly began to realize that a budding obsession was slowly taking root in him. This should be concerning, he should report it so that he could be purged of it and set back onto the righteous and just path. Yet, Castiel did no such thing and he carried it with him now. In fact, he hid this new developing emotion carefully and never spoke of Dean's prayers.

A part of him knew he should probably be worried about the influence this mortal was gaining on him, that he should stop walking this path, but that part was smothered mercilessly because of the way Dean talked to him. No one in his entire existence had ever spoken to him like this before, like he was a friend, like he was valued, just to talk to him and nothing more. Castiel refused to give that up and if that made him a lowly selfish creature than that was ok. Dean Winchester…what an utterly fascinating, confounding, tempting, humorous and baffling soul.

" _Cas, angel who art in heaven, do you have your ears on buddy? Breaker Breaker, come in Cas,"_ Dean's prayer came in as it always did with startling clarity and filled Castiel was amusement. _"Well…I hope you have your ears on buddy 'cause I don't know if I can do this without some encouragement. Who knew meeting anyone could be so nerve racking…I guess I had this coming though and I hope that I am getting this right."_ As sometimes happened Castiel was frustrated by the lack of any details, who was Dean meeting that made him nervous? Why did he think he deserved to be in agony? What was the purpose of him praying, and why did it upset Castiel so much when he stopped.

He didn't know and Castiel expected that he would be in the dark about a lot until he occupied a Vessel again. Emotions for an angel sometimes take eons to process, and Castiel thought it was perhaps because they were not physical in the literal sense so were cut off from the helpful shortcuts on emotion that humans had. Emotions were as physical as they were spiritual and Castiel had a feeling he wouldn't even begin to understand what he felt for Dean without it. For now…Castiel lost himself inside of Dean's longing and somewhere deep inside of him a matching longing began to bloom.

 **~~~x~~~~**

Dean wasn't sure he had ever been this nervous before, the last time he had met Adam (for the first time) he had already been killed and brought back as Michael's puppet. He had failed Adam in so many horrible ways, first from being killed by ghouls (though Dean firmly shared blame with his father for that one), then from being taken by the angels, then from Michael and finally his deepest failure…his failure to bring him back from the Cage. By the time Amara had sent him back in time the poor kid had been in the cage for closing in on 600 years…and Dean had not thought saving him would be a mercy at that point.

He had failed his duty as the big brother in a huge way with Adam, and now was his only chance to make up for some of it. Their father wouldn't really be involved in Adam's life until the boy was twelve if things went the same way as they had the last go around. Dean wasn't entirely certain what had moved John Winchester into getting involved with Adam the first time especially if he had always known about the boy but Dean could guess. The first time around Sammy had left for Stanford and Dean had fallen into a soldier and commander role with their father.

Dean had not even given John the illusion that he still thought of him as anything more than his commanding officer, Dean had been just so angry about everything, about Sammy leaving and about John saying that Sammy wasn't to come back. They had been together, but they hadn't been a family…not like before Sam left. Before Stanford Dean had treated his dad like a commander yes, but there had been warmth there before. After Stanford…Dean didn't have anything warm inside him left for his father. It hadn't really surprised Dean that his dad took off about a month after Sam and they only had sporadic contact after that. His father only really seeing him in person when he had a difficult case that he needed back up on and while they kept in contact Dean was sure that his dad had felt like he had been abandoned by his family.

It made sense that a year of this loneliness had driven his dad to contact Kate to spend time with Adam, and reflecting on it Dean thought it even made a little sense why his dad had kept Adam out of the family business. Adam had grown up in a way that Sam and Dean never had, he was normal and everything John Winchester had probably envisioned his son to be. As depressing as that thought was Dean couldn't deny the validity of it.

After all John had been the sort of father to Adam that he had _never_ been to Sam and had only been to Dean for four short years. John had taken Adam to baseball games, and done normal stuff with him (or would). He hadn't given him a gun or taught him how to take a life. Adam had innocence that John that stripped from them a long time ago. As heartbreaking as the thought was Dean could even get why their father had kept them all apart. The first go around Dean had felt such resentment for Adam when he had seen the smiling pictures of John Winchester's secret family.

Sam had felt the same way, they had talked about it sometimes…how odd it had been seeing those pictures and hearing those stories from that ghoul impersonator. The closest Dean and Sam had gotten to that had been Bobby which had always been erratic at best. John had never left the two of them with Bobby long enough to put real roots down and Dean had always suspected it was to keep them from replacing him with Bobby. If he was a hundred percent honest with himself…Dean would choose to save Bobby before his father…as much as he loved his father they just didn't have that sort of bond. Not like Dean had with Bobby.

Dean was sure John was a good man, a strong man, but he was a deeply flawed man as well. He wasn't the absolute authority to him anymore, Dean knew better than anyone now that John Winchester was a good man who made the worst decisions for what he believed to be the right reasons. John Winchester was a man that put his mission before everything and that had gotten them all killed last time. It hadn't been forever for him and Sam, but they had died because their father kept everything so close to his vest. He didn't share his information, his suspicions, he ghosted them for a year before the demon finally caught up with them and if John had only trusted them more things might have gone differently.

There were a million different reasons why Dean was doing the things the way he was and maybe one of the reasons he was not sharing his info with his father was some twisted form of payback. That wasn't the only reason but it would be a lie if he said it wasn't a part of it. Dean tensed up on the couch when he heard Kate and Adam arrive, so he stood up to wait for them. Kate had gone to pick Adam up from the school a little early and said she was going to lay it all out for him…except the monster part that they had decided could wait a little.

Dean had been surprised to know that Adam already knew who his father was, Kate had one picture of him, and that John was keeping his distance. They hadn't known about his other children so this would be new and Kate hadn't been sure how Adam was going to handle that. When they came into the living room Dean was doing his best not to fidget and Adam was half hiding behind his mother while doing his best not to _look_ like that was what he was doing. Dean smiled, it was cute. "Heya bud, I'm Dean, you're mom tell you about me?" Dean asked crouching down a bit.

Adam stepped out to face him more and nodded, "So…you're my half-brother?"

"Nah, just your brother, no halves about it." Dean replied.

"Ok…so why are you here?" Adam asked.

Dean shifted and studied the little boy in front of him. Adam was eleven; he had blonde hair and Dad's blue eyes, all gangly limbs and big feet. He was going to be tall, from what he could remember and what he could see in the boy in front of him. Adam was also painfully reminding Dean of how Sam used to be, the way Adam was looking at him with a mixture of hope and weariness. Sam used to look at their Dad that way, before he started to resent him because John Winchester had never been easy on his son. That man had always expected more from them and somehow…they always fell short of that.

"I came to meet you, I wish I had known about you sooner but Dad keeps his secrets; this one he never shared with us. Man…this is awkward…I'm not good with this whole…feelings thing. I just want you to know that I am here if you want to be family because I want to get to know you. We have another brother, Sam; he is four years younger than me and seven years older than you. I always looked out for my little brother and now I have two." Dean said not really too sure what to say.

Adam shifted a bit and then moved to sit on the couch. Dean copied him for the lack of anything else to do and waited for Adam to talk. "Do you like Pokémon?" Adam asked startling Dean with the randomness of the question.

"Pokémon was a little past my time, I got a general idea but why don't you enlighten me?" Dean smiled gently giving Adam his full attention.

Adam smiled a small hesitant smile back and began to talk rapidly about a wondrous world of pocket monster following the adventures of Ash Ketchum. Kate smiled at them and said, "I'll make us some drinks and snacks," leaving them to talk in the living room.

Dean found out the Adam could talk about Pokémon for _hours_ and by the end of their little talk Dean had somehow agreed to watch a few episodes with him so he could stay for dinner. Adam seemed excited to have him there, to talk to him about his favorite things and just spend some time getting to know him. Kate left them to it and mainly puttered around the house to use this unexpected day off to catch up on house work. Dean hadn't felt this normal in a long time, not since his brief time with Lisa and that was so long ago now.

Adam carefully avoided talking about some things, their father and their other brother Sam, and keeping to more general topics. He asked about Dean's favorite music, about his favorite movies and favorite food. Adam also shared his own favorite things and was always so excited to find out what things they shared. They had the same favorite food, bacon cheese burgers, same tastes in movies but they agreed not to share that with anyone. Adam because a lot of his favorites were the same as his mom's and Dean so that he wouldn't die from the teasing Sam would unleash.

Eventually Dean asked Adam about his homework and then agreed to help him with it so that Adam could get it done quicker. Adam hadn't really wanted to stop spending time with him but he was also very conscious of the fact that he had an essay and a math worksheet due tomorrow. Dean smiled; Adam was a lot like Sam in that doing well in school was very important to him. Adam wanted to be a doctor and work at the hospital with his mom.

It was adorable.

This time Dean was going to make sure Adam got that chance, that when the monsters came calling that Adam was strong enough to put those fuckers down…that they both were because Kate deserved more. Kate was kind; she was a good mother and did her best to be everything Adam needed. As a single working mom she fell short on some things, because she had to work which left little time for Adam. She did her very best though, and Dean could appreciate that.

Somehow by the end of dinner Dean had agreed to pick up and drop off Adam from school for the week. Dean wished he could spend more time with Adam but he had a laundry list of things he needed to do. He had to get back to hunting soon, get in better shape and then he had to work on scoping out the Grigori Peter. He needed an angel blade, he needed to get that monster out of the picture asap and so much more. Dean decided that he would get Adam a cell phone and make sure the kid called him regularly.

He would swing back around eventually, the kid had to know how to defend himself after all and so did his mother. Dean would talk to Kate about getting her and Adam signed up for some defense classes. Shooting ranges usually had a basic gun safety class they could take too and Dean wanted them to have at least the basics down before he came back around. His mind was racing a mile a minute but Dean did his best to keep his attention on Adam.

So it went for the next few days, Kate worked so Dean didn't see her much and that was usually around dinner time. Adam, he saw a lot of, he fell into an easy rhythm of picking Adam up dropping him off to school and then picking him up. They watched movies, Dean cooked him dinner, made him snacks and they talked. They shared stories about things, Dean had less to contribute since he had so few memories that didn't involve hunting things but Adam was happy to share his memories.

Then one day about four days into this routine Adam asked the question Dean had been dreading, "What's our dad like?"

For a while Dean stared at the sky, sipped his root beer and thought about that. Adam seemed okay with letting him gather his thoughts; he sipped his own root beer and laid across the hood of the Impala. Adam was a good kid, reminded Dean a lot of Sammy and a lot of himself if he was honest. Then there were moments like this that made him realize Adam was his own person, he was a quiet kid who was very considerate of other's feelings and he often showed this in odd ways. Adam read people, he knew when he needed to be quiet and he knew when to not push. Dean thought maybe he got that from Kate; she was a very giving woman and very patient.

Dean and Sam had never been good at not pushing people.

"Ugggh, man kid that is a hard question to answer. I mean John Winchester is our father, and I've known him my entire life…but I can't really say I _know_ him ya know? Our Dad…well he's complicated and we have never had the best relationship . He's treated me more like his little soldier than his son and I don't know him past that…not really. I mean I can guess at things, cause I know the way he thinks," Dean sipped his root beer and then pointed it at Adam, "for instance I can say with certainty that he stayed away from you cause he didn't want to involve you in our family business. What we do is dangerous and we make enemies. I think he was trying to leave you out of it."

"But you found me; doesn't that mean the others can too? And why won't you tell me what this _'family business'_ is and why you do it if it's so dangerous?" Adam asked eagerly, as he always did when this subject came up.

"I don't want to lie to you kiddo, so I am not going to go into that part of it…at least not yet. I will tell you, I promise, but now isn't the time." Dean replied sighing.

"Fine, I won't push you… _yet_ …but what can you tell me about him?" Adam whined.

"John Winchester is a man that doesn't talk about his feelings, he is a man's man, he was a soldier, fought in Vietnam and he never lost the mindset…not really. He doesn't know how to be a _Dad_ , not anymore, and I don't know if he will ever get that back. When my mom was killed, Dad went off the rails and he's never quite gotten back to being okay. Don't get me wrong he is a good man, he does his best to do the right thing and he protects people. It's just that he got lost somewhere along the way and doesn't remember how to be a dad anymore. He lies, he keeps secrets," Dean stopped when Adam interrupted.

"Like me?" Adam said.

"Yeah, like you, our father is a man of many secrets and because of that no one really knows him. I doubt I ever will and maybe you'll get a chance to see sides of him I never will but I don't think either of us will ever _know_ him." Dean murmured and took another drag from his root beer wishing it was something stronger.

"Is that why you want to keep the fact that I know you a secret?" Adam asked curiously.

"How do you know that?" Dean asked smirking.

"I overheard you talking to mom the other night, about not telling our dad you came around." Adam said matter of factly.

"Ahh, you've been dropping your ease then, nice moves Samwise." Dean joked.

"I'll never tell him, Dean," Adam said seriously looking at him with a clenched jaw.

"I wasn't asking you to keep this a secret Adam," Dean replied.

"I know, but I don't want to tell him. All my life our father has been nothing but a name and a picture to me. He's never reached out, never so much as sent me a birthday card and he only sends mom cash every so often. She thinks I don't know…but I do. Dean, the last few days…they've been amazing. I never thought…I never knew I wanted a brother until you came into my life and made it better. I'm really happy to know you and if you had known about me earlier I know you would have tried to be there for me…and that means so much. I can't forgive our father for that…so if you don't want him to know we talk…then he'll never know about it from me." Adam said seriously.

"Come here kiddo," Dean said grinning tucking Adam under his arm and tussling his hair. "You pack a lot of surprises kid you know that?" Dean sighed and let the grinning Adam go.

"That's me, I'm full of surprises," Adam said grinning.

"So, you like having a brother huh?" Dean teased grabbing them two new root beers and handing Adam a new one.

"Yeah, I could definitely get used to this," Adam teased back clinking his root beer against Dean's.

"Which brings me to something I have been meaning to ask you…we have another brother Sam…Sammy's off studying at Stanford but I can bet that he'll want to meet you. But, I kinda rolled into your life without so much as a by your leave and I know how sucky it is having things decided for you…so I leave it up to you…do you want me to enlighten Sammy too?" Dean asked feeling like he had to ask. The next few months were going to be hell on this kid, a brother he never knew about, soon as he was ready Dean would let him in on the whole Monster's thing too and that was a lot to put on a kid. Dean wanted Adam to feel at least a little like he had some control over his own life.

Adam, for the most part was torn, he liked Dean and he liked spending time with him. They just clicked, they liked the same things; Dean was always willing to listen to him talk about anything and always wanted to make sure he was doing ok. It had been a long time since his mom had the time or the energy to ask him how his day was and _really_ listen. Even though Dean was leaving in a few days he had gotten Adam a _cell phone_ (how cool was that) and made sure he knew that he could call anytime. Dean cared about him and Adam liked having him as a brother. From what Dean had shared about Sam…Adam knew they might get on well enough and maybe Adam might even like him just as much as Dean. But the thought of bringing Sam in, of having to see Dean with his other little brother… _of having to_ _ **share Dean**_ …well Adam wasn't ready for that.

He had just gotten Dean into his life but Sam had always had Dean. From the stories it sounded like their father had basically left Dean to raise Sam on his own and that meant Dean really loved Sam. Adam had only known Dean for a few days, yeah they got along, yes they liked each other but Adam wasn't so sure they loved each other yet. If Sam and Adam fought he thought that Dean would pick Sam…because he loved him more. At least for now. So, Adam wanted a chance to get Dean to love him too, to care about him that same way he cared about Sam and that meant keeping Sam out of it for as long as possible. Sam was at college, he didn't need Dean anymore, but Adam needed Dean.

"Nah, I don't think I'm ready to meet Sam yet. I want a chance to get to know you before I bring another brother into this…it's kind of overwhelming as it is. We never knew about each other thanks to our father and I want to get to know you before expanding my family more." Adam said hesitantly.

"Ok, yeah, sure I get that. So, I won't tell Sam for now but the second you change your mind let me know and I'll call Sammy." Dean said chugging the last of his root beer. "You finish that now and then I'll get you home. What do you wanna learn to cook tonight?" Dean asked with an eyebrow waggle.

Adam smiled, "Spaghetti and meatballs?"

"Classic, I like the way you think," Dean smiled and winked as he got into the Impala.

Adam joined him and then turned up the volume on the radio so that the Led Zeppelin song was blasting. They smiled at each other and Dean began singing while banging on his steering wheel.

Before they knew it the week was ending, Dean had managed to do what he had wanted in coming to meet Adam and his mother. Kate and Dean had set up classes for her and Adam to learn various forms of self defense as well as gun handling. Kate knew she was moving Kansas, to Clive's old house and had begun making inquires to the surrounding hospitals to look for a new position. They had broken the news of the impending move to Adam who had been surprisingly on board when he found out it meant seeing Dean more often. So as soon as Kate found a new job they would begin packing and make the move to their new house. Kate intended to sell the one they lived in now and get a nice little nest egg out of it that would allow her to work less to be there for Adam more.

Dean pulled away knowing that he had managed to do better this time around, Adam had a new cell phone and his number. They would talk this time, get to really know each other and he had temporarily warded their house so that nothing could get to them anytime soon. Not that Dean was expecting any monsters to come after them anytime soon but they couldn't be too careful. This time around he was going to be better, and do better, by everyone.

So with that in mind Dean pulled out his phone and called Bobby, "Hey you idjit, I've been expecting you to call."

That gruff voice chocked him up some but he pulled it together so his voice didn't show the tears in his eyes, "Hey Bobby, sorry man it's been a rough couple of weeks."

"I would say so, Sam off at Stanford and you washing your hands of John…can't say I saw that coming." Bobby replied.

"Yeah, well, you know our dad Bobby, he…he keeps everything so close to his chest that we never know what the hell is going on in that brain of his. I needed to get out, without Sam it would have been unbearable." Dean replied.

"Yeah I know, John's an ass, so why you calling? Doubt it's to talk about our feelings, princess." Bobby teased.

Dean laughed, "You got that right, I was looking for some information from you. I know Dad has always kept us out of the loop as far as the other hunter's he knows goes but I need a hunt and I think it's time I made my own decisions. Starting with who I know, I'm not like Sammy, Bobby, I don't have anything besides this life…and I don't want anything. So I think it's time I know it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm not looking for another partner…for me that will always be Sam…but knowing people I could call for backup would be nice."

"Yeah I get ya, well, you know Rufus, but I doubt your meaning that surly bastard. There's this place, called the Roadhouse, hunters usually gather there and if you want to make more connections I'd start there. Ask for Ellen Harvelle, she's a good woman and a fine hunter. She'll be able to point you to the hunters that are more trustworthy as far as hunters go." Bobby said rattling off the address Dean already knew. This is what he had been hoping for, and he was grateful Bobby had given him the excuse he needed to go there.

They talked for a while after that about everything and nothing. Dean didn't mention Adam or the Bunker to Bobby yet. He didn't want to involve Bobby in his deceptions and Dean knew that explaining away _how_ he knew what he did with Bobby would just get him into trouble. So he let it be and eventually Bobby had to answer another call from his many hotlines so they hung up after a quick goodbye. Alone again Dean looked out at the road and allowed his thoughts to wander. There was just so much he wanted to do, so that this time around they were prepared and could take out yellow eyes without someone he loved dying.

Dean knew that for that he was going to have to be more prepared to deal with the shit that was going to come after Azazel got what was coming to him. There were a lot of moving parts to consider, Lillth, Crowley, Alastair, Michael and Raphael not to mention all of the other children Azazel made. Abbadon was a knight of hell but Dean had a feeling Azazel was another sort of beast entirely. Taking on Azazel meant he needed something that could kill the son of a bitch and that meant getting the colt. The problem with that was getting to Daniel Elkins and that meant Dean had to mingle with more hunters. The more people that knew what he was capable of the easier it would be to get Elkins to give up the colt.

After all Elkins never gave up the colt for his father so it stood to reason that the man had high standards and from his father's journal Dean knew John went about trying to get it out of Elkins the wrong way. His father's laughable disbelief of vampires notwithstanding, Elkins was supposed to have been a big vampire hunter and would likely have been insulted by John's lack of faith in his specialty. Elkins had to know he was worthy of it and Dean wanted to talk him out of the gun without having to use his harder methods. Stealing from other hunters would certainly put a black mark on his reputation and he needed all the help he could get.

Angels and Demons were gunning for the apocalypse they weren't going to stop just because Dean threw in a few monkey wrenches and that Dean knew for sure. So really there would be three sides to this war, Angels, Demons, and humanity. This time Dean means to make sure that the people he cared about made it to the other side. If that meant playing the long game, well Dean would do it even if that wasn't something he really knew how to do. He would do his chuck damned best and it would just have to be enough.

Not for the first time, and not for the last Dean longed for his Cas, for his Sam, even knowing that they were alive and all that had happened hadn't happened yet. Well, it was a hard thing to miss them, even with them being out there, because their bond would never be the same. Dean shook off that melancholy pretty fast though because he didn't have time to be depressed and shit. Now was the time for him to do what needed to be done and make the world a little better.

For his family.

 **~~~~x~~~~**

Sam was sitting staring at a wall wondering how he was going to do this thing, this normal thing, and he took a shaky breath. He felt overwhelmed, by the campus, by the other students, by the work load and wondering how he was going to get enough money together to buy his textbooks. The scholarship covered his tuition and his housing in the dorms but everything else was on him. He had a small nest egg but that was getting eaten away fast on food and other essentials. He was still short most of the textbooks he would need and he had no idea how he was going to get the money fast enough to not fall behind.

Oh, he could sharks some guys at pool or poker. He could do some credit card fraud or a dozen other illegal things and have that money by tomorrow morning. But that wasn't what he wanted his life to be anymore. He wanted to study law, not break it, and he wanted to help people the legitimate way. Sam was tired of living on the fringe of everything and never having that white picket fence life. Sam didn't know what he was going to do if he didn't get a job soon.

There was a knock at the door and Sam opened to see the annoyed face of his RA with four delivery guys beside him. "In the future tell your folks to send your stuff at the beginning of the semester like normal people or at least give me a heads up so I know to expect them." He said before storming off. Sam blinked in surprise and turned to let the delivery guys in. There were four packages between them, all in varying sizes that they put on his bed at his direction.

"You have to sign for this one it has perishables." Said one of them before shoving a folder in his face where Sam signed in a daze. They left as quickly as they had come in leaving Sam staring at the packages like they were a bomb about to go off and wondering what they hell was happening. Distantly he noticed that one of the smaller(ish) packages had a one printed on the side in bold black sharpie and then he saw the others were numbered as well.

Sam very slowly approached the package labeled with the one and used his pocket knife to slowly open it. He used the blade to open the flap and the first thing he saw was an envelope labeled with his name in very familiar handwriting. Sam let out a big sigh and grabbed the letter opening it with a little more wonder/hope.

 _Sammy,_

 _I know I probably am stepping on your toes a bit with this seeing as your all grown up and all. Figured you could use some of this anyway and whatever you don't I'm sure you can do whatever with. I'll say it again I'm proud of you Sammy._

 _Dean_

 _P.S. hope you like number 2 made it myself_

Inside the envelope there were four money orders totaling to about three grand and in that first package there all shiny was all his textbooks he needed for the semester. Sam felt his eyes begin to burn but he pushed that back and opened the next package. He was half hoping for a gross prank in this smaller box because that would be so Dean and it would break him out of this feeling that was slowly rising up his throat. Inside the box, there wasn't some gross prank, it was a thousand times worse…it was a box of obviously home baked white chocolate macaroon cookies…his favorite. Sam made a noise that he was a little startled by, half aborted sob and half a laugh.

The next largest box was full of clothes, for all season, in all his size and in his preferred styles. There were three new pairs of shoes in there too. Sam forced his hands to stop shaking and opened the last box. Inside there were blankets, sheets, comforters, a really nice pillow, towels and all his favorite toiletries. That did it he sat heavily at his desk, letter clenched inside his hand and thanked god that his roommate was going to be gone all afternoon. He cried quietly; hand over his mouth and staring at the packages like they had come from some wild fever dream.

When he had arrived at Stanford for the school year he had watched all the families dropping off the other students. They had all this luggage and their parents would make trips to and from their cars. Some students had packages arriving all week, they would grumble about forgetting things at home and having to get their parents to mail things. Some would get smaller care packages that they would get with a little smile and playfully tell their friends/roommates not to touch the food their moms sent them. They all had so much _stuff_ , posters, knickknacks and things that they had accumulated over their life that they had at their homes.

Sam had arrived with two small duffle bags, one had his four different outfits with his toiletries and the other held his computer along with some school supplies. He had to buy sheets and a thin blanket real quick at the student store. His side of the room was bare, and he barely filled one small drawer in his dresser. His roommate Brady sometimes asked when his stuff was getting here and Sam always had some excuse. It was embarrassing and had only highlighted for him how out of place he was being here. Now he had his textbooks, he had more clothes than he had ever owned, he had those few personalized things that he had been going without for the last two weeks and he had money to buy whatever he needed.

He felt taken care of in a way he hadn't since he had left Dean.

Sam tucked his head into his arm and cried. When he had told his brother and their father that he wanted to go to college Sam had known it would be well received. Dean was angry and sad…he had stormed off pretty fast. Their father had been worse, railing off at him about responsibility and taking care of the family. They had fought for months about it while Dean had sulked…never joining their father in shouting at him but he never approved either. Sam had felt like he was truly alone for the first time in his life because Dean hadn't got his back this time. When he had left and his father had told him that leaving meant never coming back Sam had been sure that Dean would agree just because Dean never went against their father's commands.

Then Dean had called him, and told him he was proud. That he was angry not at Sam but at the situation. That he had been such a dick the last few months because Dean was going to miss him like crazy. Sam had wanted to believe him, but that damning silence the last few months ate at him. There was a big part of Sam that was wary about Dean's sudden change of tune and that somehow it was a ploy to being him back into the fold. He wasn't going to lie and say he hadn't thought about going back to hunting with Dean the last few days.

He felt wrong here, like he was playing some role in a case and any moment everyone was going to find him out. That they would point and scream that he didn't belong there, that he shouldn't be sitting with them in class pretending he was something he was not. Usually this happened in the middle of the night, in his bare room, when there was nothing but his thoughts to haunt him.

Now, though, now…Sam cried like he hadn't cried since he had been small. Dean had sent him things he thought he was going to need, Dean sent him home baked cookies and clothes. Dean had sent him things like the other students had been sent things and he had given him money to buy whatever. Dean hadn't even mentioned the money in the letter, like it was no big deal that Dean scrapped this money together for Sam.

Sam cried and he laughed.

His stupid, idiotic, loving brother/mother/father…his Dean.

Of course Dean would do something like this, take care of him like this was no big deal and he hadn't just rocked Sam's world. He had things, he had his textbooks and money to buy posters and knickknacks and food and school supplies. Sam laughed around the lump in his throat and got up to put his new things away. The books went into the painfully bare bookcase on his side of the room, his new clothes he organized in his dresser. He put the warm stuff on top, his new long sleeved plaid fleece shirts and thick sweaters. It was getting colder as winter rolled in and he was happy he wasn't going to be freezing when he went outside anymore.

He put away everything, made up his new bed with his new sheets/comforter/pillow and such…it was all in his favorite color. When he was done he sat down with a tin of cookies in his lap and ate one hesitantly. Sam was genuinely surprised that they were not only edible but actually delicious…he hadn't known Dean could cook. After two more cookies he closed up his tin and slid it under his pillow for safe keeping. The laid down to stare up at the ceiling in wonder, two hours ago he had been at a real low point and he had been spiraling into some really dark places. Now he was staring up at the ceiling, with money in his pocket and wondering how he got so lucky to have a brother like Dean.

 **~~~X~~~~**

When Dean pulled up to The Roadhouse the parking lot was packed and the place was really equally packed. Ellen was at the Bar and Dean could tell in one look that the place was up to its gills in Hunters. There were maybe a handful of Civvies but Dean didn't pay them any mind. He made his way to the Bar and sat down to wait for Ellen to come to him. This time he hoped to make a better impression and not end up on the business end of Ellen's shotgun.

"What can I get yah on?" Ellen asked hands planted on the bartop.

Dean smiled, "You Ellen Harvelle?"

"Yeah, what's it to ya?" Ellen replied clipped and fast.

"Bobby Singer said to look you up since I was in the area, I'm Dean Winchester," Dean said grabbing Ellen's hand for a firm handshake.

Ellen looked surprised but not unwelcoming, "You John Winchester's oldest?"

"Yeah, but I haven't heard from him in a while. You know my Dad? He tends to stay away from other hunters." Dean said leadingly.

"John was like family once, but that's in the past. Now what can I get ya?" Ellen said changing the subject.

"A whis…ahhh make that a root beer. And if you could point me in the direction of a hunter that you think is alright I'd appreciate it," Dean replied tripping up on not being able to get any alcohol while he was in a _bar_ …weird.

Ellen studied him for a minute, looking him up and down and making Dean shifted in his seat as they crept into uncomfortable. Ellen then nodded, grabbed him a root beer and pointed him to a man sitting in the back. "That's Asa Fox, he's a good guy, good hunter, he made a name for himself a few months back taking out five wendingo's on his own." Ellen grinned at the startled look on Dean's face.

"Sounds like a man I'd like to buy a drink for," Dean teased. Ellen simply set a beer down next to his root beer and gave him a nod. "You staying nearby?" She asked as she wiped down the bar.

"Nah, figured I'd find a motel to crash in later," Dean replied.

"I got a couple of cots here, Asa's taken one but you can have the other. You come find me later, alright?" Ellen said barely waiting for his nod before she left to deal with another customer.

Dean smiled and picked up his drink and the beer making his way over to the guy Ellen pointed out. "So I hear you took out five Wendingo all on your own?" Dean said as an opener putting the beer in front of the man, "I thought I'd buy you a beer and you could tell me about that."

Asa smirked at him, took a swing of the free beer and then fell into his story like he had told it a thousand times. Considering where they were Dean wouldn't be surprised if he had. As the tale was winding down Asa blinked and said, "You know I didn't get your name, I'm Asa Fox but you already knew that." He said reaching out to shake Dean's hand.

"Dean Winchester," Dean said smiling.

A curious look came over Asa's face at Dean's last name, "Any relation to Mary Winchester?"

Dean blinked in surprise, "Yeah, that's my mom, how do you know my mom?"

"Well, this is certainly something," Asa said looking genuinely bemused, "Mary saved me from a werewolf when I was just a kid, she was the one who actually got me into the hunting business. Not that she trained me or anything; just she told me she was retiring so I wanted to make sure that the things that should be hunted got hunted. Figured I owed it to the world to continue what Mary started."

Dean felt a mix of emotions, he had known his mother had been a hunter but he had never run into anyone before that had known that. Hell, Dean hadn't known that until he had taken a trip into the past…that was a headache of mass proportions. "Wow, I didn't know my mom was a hunter." Dean finally said.

Asa looked surprised, "But the Campbell family has been hunters for generations, how could you not know that?"

"My mom was killed when I was four and I don't think my dad ever knew," Dean explained, "never mind that, you mind telling me more about my mom since you clearly know more than I do?"

So that's what Asa did, told him about the Campbell family, told him about how his mom saved him and how he had managed years later to get in touch with one of his mom's cousins who got him up to speed on the supernatural. He had gotten a lot of tips on hunting from that same cousin but he had died two years back. That was a shame but as Dean sat listening to Asa he almost couldn't believe his luck. This right here was the perfect excuse that he needed to have in the future when he explained the family history to Sammy.

If Chuck wasn't out for the count Dean would have suspected his hand in this but since he was Dean just decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and go with it. Asa seemed like an alright guy and he had a bead on a werewolf pack in Colorado that needed to be taken out. Dean needed to sharpen his skills and Asa wanted back up. A match made in heaven. The spent the rest of the night shooting the breeze and talking plans on the case. Ellen came up to them around closing to get them to their cots and tell them that they better be planning to stick around for breakfast.

All in all this was shaping up to be a big step forward for him.

 **A.N.: Ok wow, did not expect this to go so long but here we are. So I thought I would address some things, first off Adam and John. In canon we find out that John has had contact with Adam since he was twelve, taking him to baseball games, teaching him to drive, giving him his first beer, shit like that. It's never made clear though if John had always known about Adam or not. Here's what I think of as my head canon. John always knew about Adam, he had to have because he had to have gotten in touch with Kate or at least given Kate his number in order to ever find out Adam even existed. John strikes me as an 'I want a blood test type of guy.' Plus I don't think it was a he never knew and Kate track him down type of thing because John was a fucking gypsy and I have serious doubts Kate would be able to track him down if that was the case. Sam and Dean couldn't fucking find John ever, I doubt Kate could, had that been the situation.**

 **So my head canon is this, Kate had John's number, she let him know right the fuck away that she was preggers because that shit is no joke. John probably got a blood test after Adam was born and figured that Adam was his son. Dean would have only been 11 and Sam 7, bringing another baby into the mix would probably seem like a horrible idea to John. I see him splitting to let this kid grow up normal and sending money every so often is just what John would have done. In canon John doesn't get to know Adam until 2002, around the same time Sam went off to College and Dean started really going off to work his own cases. I see John getting lonely, he misses his boys but they don't need him anymore. So then John remembers Adam, his last shot at normal dad stuff and he takes it.**

 **John never told Dean or Sam about Adam… never even hinted and he obviously edited his journal before he left to go hunt Azazel. We know this from later episodes when the Roadhouse and then Adam comes into play. I see John Winchester as a very complicated man, he is a fucking horrible father but he is a good man. He tried his best, it wasn't enough and his revenge fucking destroyed him. I'd like to explore that aspect because it's so complicated with the Winchester parents. I mean the two of them are so fucked up and they have done some fucked up shit to their children…doesn't make them evil people but it is incredibly sad.**

 **On another note, Sam, I added in his bit because I thought it should be said, sorry not sorry. Lol so let me know your thoughts, John and Mary, for or against? Let me know I love hearing from you! Until next time.**


End file.
